Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
