So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
