shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
