Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
