I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i need some magic done to my vagina
Randomize