It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
