Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
