we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
