once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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