You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
