weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
please come you make the beer taste better
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
