i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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