she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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