Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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