I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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