People with herpes should wear stickers.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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