Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
