I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
