I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
