I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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