the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
