WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
