the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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