you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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