Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
