Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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