even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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