dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
