Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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