I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it hurts more in the daytime
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
