I am midnight drunk by noon
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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