If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
