Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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