dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
