I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
