Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize