There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
