This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
