Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
