I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
