he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
