It was confusing and full of hummus
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
