Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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