I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
