its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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