Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
