i permit you to call me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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