my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
