I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
