I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
