but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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