all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
