How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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