3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
