I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
