To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
