i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
