You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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