i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
