I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
