At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
