I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
