Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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