He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
