kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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