So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
