he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
