woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
