Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
