you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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