it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
